Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Resurrecting Holocaust Poetry


As I mentioned in my goals for the second half of 2013 one of the things that I am in the process of doing is getting back to the, sometimes daunting, task of submitting poetry to magazines for publication. It has been approximately eight years since I last published a chap book of original work and subsequent pieces have been languishing in my computer since that time. Individual poems, sequences, chap books, and collections are just sitting there waiting for me to do something with them. This is a task that I frequently revisit as many of you may remember the last time I wrote about this on my previous blog, From Goy to Oleh, in April 2011.

While I do have poems spanning a wide range of topics and experiences, most of the more well received poems that I have written are my own recreations of the lives of three victims of the Holocaust: Hertha Feiner, Janusz Korczak, and Filip Müller. The poems are fictionalized historical accounts of what might have happened in the world immediately surrounding these people.

The general thought behind them is that every memoir has something missing. Sometimes it’s a forgotten foreshadowing phrase said in passing or simply what is happening outside when their focus is on the room in which they are sitting. These are the aspects painted in this collection. It is my hope that these poems are not only stirring but accurate as well and I have, so far, been fortunate enough to verify that very fact with those who were there.

Many people have asked me why I started writing Holocaust poetry. I really don’t have an answer to that question but I can tell you how it happened…

During the winter of 2004, I began writing about the Holocaust because I needed an outlet for my own pain and fear. It was not a conscious decision to write about Janusz Korczak, it just happened. I began relating to Korczak and his children on the most basic level: I was depressed, I couldn’t eat, and I was in pain. It was a time in my life when writing was work.

I was struck not only with what Korczak recorded in his diary but also by the thoughts of what was not written in those pages. This feeling was intensified further when I would come across passages that were of longing, passages that recalled of a different time in Korczak’s life, a time without worry. I understood the feeling of wanting to escape but my thoughts were firmly planted in the Warsaw orphanage in which Korczak was writing amongst sleeping children.

It was the contrariness between thought and reality that forced me to scribe ink on the page. When Korczak wrote, “I used to write at stops, in a meadow under a pine tree, sitting on a stump. Everything seemed important and if I did not note it down I would forget. An irretrievable loss to humanity,” I couldn’t stop thinking about what the children were experiencing at that time, at that exact moment. Were they awake or asleep, were they hungry, were they scared, were they healthy or sick? What was happening outside the window, what sounds did they hear, what smells slipped through the cracks?

That is how these poems started and resulted in some of them being published in Midstream Magazine, The Endicott Review, The Hypertexts, Charles Fishman’s anthology Blood to Remember: American Poets on the Holocaust, and my own chapbook (the Janusz Korczak section), Kaddish Diary (Pudding House Publications, 2005). The need to know more can be a powerful motivation.

I continued writing Holocaust poetry for the next few years after that completing three small series. However, the resulting nightmares and emotional exhaustion increasingly gotten worse resulting in my taking a break from writing about the subject.

Maybe it is finally time to resurrect these Holocaust poems and start working on reinforcing memory. Maybe I will finally be able to do so. Maybe enough time has passed.

If need be, I will spread them out and in between those sketches from my own life that I have filed away. I might even use some of the images from this blog to provoke the concise language I have since lost. Hopefully, results will come with this renewed focus and I can finally fulfill the goal I set many years ago… to publish a complete collection.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start by pulling them from cyber storage, re-familiarizing myself with my former voice, and getting them into circulation. We will see what happens.  

Friday, July 12, 2013

Attempting to Find Home: 2011 Edition




After experiencing so much preparation, hard work, stress, bureaucracy, joy, spirituality, and love, today is one of mixed emotions for me. It is a day to remember joy but which also leaves me asking the question what if? I don’t think that either one of those feelings will ever go away especially on this day, our Aliyah Anniversary.

Two years ago our Nefesh b’Nefesh charter flight landed with a roar of cheers and tears rolling up and down the aisle. As we finally came to a rest, there was a mix of both vocal anticipation and stunned silence. It was time for us new Israelis to return our feet to the home land.


We were overwhelmed by the joyous noise that flooded this old terminal at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv. So many people were there to greet all of us… some of them didn’t even know anyone on the flight they just wanted to support us. I can’t even remember the walk from the plane to the reception as the mix of no sleep (on the 10 hour flight) and excitement has hazed my memory. 



I will always consider that moment to be one of the greatest of my life but sometimes a journey can start off great and, not be the right path. This is what we faced during our time in Israel. Our Aliyah adventure came to an abrupt end as Hashem led us back home to our family. I may be disappointed by the outcome but I will never regret the choice we made to try.

It is a day that I hope is being celebrated throughout the beautiful land of Israel by many of our fellow olim from that flight. I wish everyone nothing but the best and I pray that your dreams surround you throughout your lives. I also encourage anyone thinking about making Aliyah to pursue it with everything you have and every essence of your being. I guarantee that it is something that you will never regret regardless of the final outcome.

Monday, July 1, 2013

New (Half) Year’s Resolutions

I want this pin!

I can’t believe that we are half way through the year already. Many changes have occurred (some good, some bad) but the fact that I can’t seem to grasp the hours of each day still frustrates me. Every day there is something that gets carried over to the next making my “to do” list more of a living compilation of tasks rather than something I can simply check off and throw away.

Some people set goals in the beginning of the year but I like to be a little different and put greater emphasis on the second half of the year. Of course, there are a few certain things that are achieved in the first six months but, in the end, it’s all about how you finish the game not about how it begins. Therefore, it is now time to outline my list of goals, in no particular order, for the second half of the year.   

1.      Improve my health – isn’t this something that is, in one shape or form, on everyone’s list? For me, it really comes down to two very simple things, stop smoking and lose about 60 pounds (I have struggled with both over the years). There is an entire subset of things I could list in order to accomplish this but, again, those are the common things that everyone jots down. What is different than most is that I have to make sure to schedule regular checkups with my doctors just to keep an open line of communication and make sure I am doing things the right way.
3.      Find a place to live – Such a basic thing to have on a list at first glance. However, there is a greater underlying factor to this which is why I have chosen to list it. We have an apartment which has served us well and we live in an area that is very familiar but we are both looking for home. We have been looking for this for a long time now and in many locations and while we have been comfortable and thought we had found it a few times it just didn’t hold up against the clock and calendar. Hopefully, we find home this year.
4.      Find a new job – Minor detail. As was posted previously, I have been seeking a new position for some time now. While it has been difficult at times I am still confident that not just a job but a career is waiting for me because it just takes one to make it happen. As the great SNL philosopher Stuart Smalley (not to be confused with the pull your hair out quote from Senator Franken) said, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me."
6.      Full year as a Mason – I have only been a member of the fraternity since April and I have already gotten a tremendous amount out of Freemasonry. There are a number of personal things that I would like to achieve in this first full year and many goals that I have set for myself in this category including, just to name a few, completion of the Master Builder Award and Lodge of Research requirements as well as becoming a member of Scottish Rite. It’s going to be a busy Masonic year.
7.      Sons of American Revolution Application – This project has been put aside since the fall and it is time to “git-r-done”. Given the time of year it is especially poignant to get this done soon. I am proud of my family heritage and for me this is a great way to show it. I will be sure to write more about this process and my family’s Revolutionary past in a future post so stay tuned.  
8.      Publishing and Readings (one is already booked for November 16th in Collegeville, Pennsylvania) – If I remember correctly, it has been almost eight years since I last actively sought publication of my work. It is a very trying and tiring process that I am not particularly fond of but it’s an addiction that never leaves you so I guess it’s time to do some lines and chase the dragon once again. So, keep in mind that I may be creatively and poetically medicated moving forward. The long layoff from giving readings coincided with my vacation from publishing. If I am going to publish I have to read as well. I always enjoyed the performance side of writing because that is where you find out if a poem or story works. You feed off of the reaction, good or bad, which helps you to improve and pushes you to challenge yourself and your audience. Words on the page are just ink and paper, the experience defines the creation.  
9.     Continue to explore my faithMany changes have occurred in the past couple of months with regard to our observance but our faith has remained steadfast. The means by which we express and embrace our faith has evolved over time to something that suits us both as individuals and as a family rather than subscribing to the black and white outline of a particular branch of Judaism. While it is not for everyone it is how we connect with G-d and I look forward to exploring our faith and deepening that connection through His words and his creation.
10. Travel - I am looking forward to continuing our weekly excursions both as a way to spend time with my wife and also to explore the beauty of creation that surrounds usWe have weekly day trips planned out to last the summer and into fall but, like anything else, it is flexible and I am sure it is going to change. This is also a means to feed content to this blog and share with you some of the wonderful places that surround me in my own Commonwealth. I hope that it will encourage some of you to so the same and explore and appreciate the places that are near to you but you never took the time to visit (this is especially important for those of you who may have children).

That is my list. It may change, in fact I am certain it will, but this is a starting point in recommitting to the process of improving myself throughout this year. This is the foundation of change and the map which I can fall back on to keep myself moving forward (ING is of no use with the above goals). What are the things that you would like to work on or accomplish in the second half of 2013?